Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize