youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
