when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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