any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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