I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize