i don't like sucking hair
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
