I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
