i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
