Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
