She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
