I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
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