guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
