My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He? As in you personified your dick?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
