I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
