Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
