Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize