I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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