dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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