I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
