i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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