google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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