In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
