Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
