I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
