Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize