my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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