Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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