STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
