I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
