I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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