Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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