come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
