Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
