You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
