I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
