Can Purell be used as lube?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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