I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
