I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
