Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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