Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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