Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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