We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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