I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just invented taco cereal.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
