I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
