ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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