ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
