Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
