What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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