someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
