Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
