This is not my ceiling
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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