Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
