I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize