john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
