At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
