I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
