Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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