Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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