in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
