I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
