You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
