O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
