The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
