The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
