i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
