we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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