Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
