good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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