distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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