My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
