He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
