Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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