I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
