Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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