I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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