I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The adults are the big ones right?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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