Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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