i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need water and some morals
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
