i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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