Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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