All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
