I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
