Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
