Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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