No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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