I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
