the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
