Can Purell be used as lube?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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