I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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