When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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