belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
