I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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