I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
