I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
