So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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