We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
