i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
