So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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