I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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