My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
