return my video game
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
