Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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