New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
