The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
