I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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