I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
