I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
