It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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