only if we run a train.
done.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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