yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
